July 05, 2015

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Captain Serious

POWER PLAY: CAPTAIN SERIOUS

"Deal with things and stay mentally strong." - Captain Serious

Johnathan Tays had always been a serious person. When he was born he refused to cry and even slapped the doctor in the face when the doctor tried to spank him. Johnathan was born in the small mining town of Flin Flon, Manitoba in *shudder* Canada *shudder* to Brian (a miner) and Andrée Tays (a military history professor at the University of Manitoba).

These seemingly opposing viewpoints of his parents definitely helped shape the hero that we have now. A natural athlete and brilliant mind, Tays was recruited into a branch of Canadian Special Operations Forces Command or CANSOFCOM, their version of the United States Special Forces (try not to laugh at the idea of Canadian Special Forces...)

During the Great Maple Syrup War of 2001, CANSOFCOM reaches desperation as the country's maple syrup supply is dwindling and they are losing the war to the dastardly Pottsylvanians. To combat this, Tay's athleticism and overall seriousness attracts the notice of General Francois Fussypants and "Project: Strongman." Tays is used as a test subject for the Super-Soldier project, receiving a special serum made by Dr. Nickolas Tesla.

The serum is a success and transforms Johnathan Tays into a nearly perfect human being with peak strength, agility, stamina, and intelligence. Tesla, however, refused to write down every crucial element of the serum, leaving behind a very imperfect knowledge of the steps. Thus, when the Pottsylvanian spy Boris Badenov killed him, Tesla's method of creating new Super-Soldiers died with him. Unable to create new Super-Soldiers and willing to hide the "Project Strongman" fiasco, the Canadian government casts Tays as a national superhero. He is supplied with a patriotic uniform featuring the Canadian colors, an indestructible shield made of adamantium (reportedly taken from the Weapon X facility), a special hockey stick (because it's Canada), and the codename Captain Serious (because he refused to be called Captain Canada).

Powers & Abilities

  • Due to the Super-Soldier Serum, his strength, endurance, agility, speed, reflexes, durability, and healing are at the zenith of natural human potential. Tays' body regularly replenishes the super-soldier serum; it does not wear off
  • Tays' battle experience and military history training make him an expert tactician and an excellent field commander, with his teammates frequently deferring to his orders in battle.
  • Years of practice with his near-indestructible shield make him able to aim and throw it with almost unerring accuracy. His skill with his shield is such that he can attack multiple targets in succession with a single throw or even cause a boomerang-like return from a throw to attack an enemy from behind.
  • Though not technically a "super-power", Tays' tenacity and resourcefulness cannot be understated. He simply refuses to lose and will die before claiming defeat.

SuperKaner Bio HERE.
Cupcake Queen Bio HERE.
Ice Scream Bio HERE.
Krispy Krack Bio HERE.
Ron the Don Bio HERE.
June 21, 2015

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Here Is What A Certified Personal Trainer Eats In A Typical Day

One of the most frequent questions I get is "what do you eat?" Apparently people are of the opinion/belief that I graze on kale chips and beet juice all day. To give you an idea of what my eating day is, it'll be helpful if you knew me a bit more. So who is "Michael Okoye"?

Hi.

As you can see, nothing special. I'm not a super jacked guy with an 8 pack but I can definitely cut down if I want to. I'm also not a walking blob. I like to think I keep a pretty nice balance.

SO LET'S BEGIN!

Water

This is my general water intake for the day: a gallon. I've previously discussed the importance of water. It's very important. Drink that shit. Moving on.

1st Meal

I say "First Meal" rather than Breakfast because it's simply that: your first meal. Generally speaking you'd want a meal within an hour or so of waking up, but that doesn't work for some people. My 1st Meal is usually the same thing:

  • 2 servings Steel Cut Oatmeal
    • Brown Sugar
    • Cinnamon
    • Granola
    • Almonds
    • Strawberries
  • 3 Whole Eggs, 5 Additional Egg Whites
So goooooooood!!!!!

2nd Meal (Snack)
Aw yeah...
Now we're 2-4 hours later. I'm knee deep into helping people change their lives but I need to eat something soon. So I bust out my Nutribullet (or any portable blender) and mix myself a quick protein smoothie.
  • 4 Strawberries
  • 1 Banana
  • 2 Tsp Greek Yogurt
  • 2 Scoops Whey Protein
  • Water/Ice
Ignore the disgusting table...
3rd Meal
This is where things start to get a little weird. I'm actually having a salad today. I know, I know. I'll give you a second to get over the shock.
...and we're back. Generally I stick with grilled chicken and a sweet potato, but we're jazzing it up today.
There's greens in there...somewhere...
  • Lots of Spinach
  • 3 Hard Boiled Eggs
  • Lots of Shredded Chicken
  • Ranch and BBQ Sauce
4th Meal
Just a protein shake. Nothing serious. Throw some shit into a shaker. Add water to that shit. Shake it up. Drink.
Moving on.

5th Meal

I didn't take any cute high resolution shots with this, but those are swordfish steaks that I have grilling that I'm going to crush with some sweet potato and broccoli.

You all may have heard about the "new" idea of eating multiple meals, though some research would argue that it doesn't really make a difference if you eat 3 well rounded meals vs. 5-6 little meals. This is what works for me. Hopefully you find what works for you in your fitness journey.

Stay sexy, heroes.
March 07, 2015

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10 "The Wire" Quotes That Reflect Most Personal Trainers

I think that my love for the television show "The Wire" is well chronicled. It's an amazing show that tried to tackle a lot of complex and nuanced problems in society...yet it had some pretty amazing one liners. These are 10 that pretty much exemplify my life as a personal trainer:

Tried to include videos with each one. Also, a lot of swearing. Like...a lot.

1.

Bunk: "A man must have a code."

Omar: "Oh, no doubt."

Video

Very often I see personal trainers (or "fitness professionals") not living up to the ideals that they set for their clients. They'll tell their clients one thing, such as: "Don't drink!" "Eat clean all the time!" "You need to do 12 hours of cardio a week!!!!@!@!"

Meanwhile, that same personal trainer jackass is at the bar till 2 in the morning and can't sprint a block to save his or her life.

2.

Proposition Joe : "Look the part, be the part, motherfucker."

Which leads to the concept of aesthetics. Obviously everyone has a different concept of fitness and health, but for me if you're going to prop yourself as being a fitness expert, you better look like you're a damn fitness expert. You better not try to give me the finer points of carb cycling when you have a beer gut. That's how you catch a 'bow to the throat.

3.

Walon: "What the fuck do you wanna hear? That you're strong enough to do this by yourself? Gettin' clean's the easy part. And then comes life."

You made a decision to make a drastic change in your life. For some of you, to fundamentally change your lifestyle completely. And for a week or so, you're gung ho as hell about it. You Are Focused. Then life happens as it is wont to do. This is when you need help, from either your external support system or form a stronger intrinsic reason because life does not care about your goals. Life does not give two shits about your motivations. Life will kill you if you let it.

4.

Spiros: "But you don't ask ... because you don't wanna know."

Working out is hard. Eating well is hard. Finding the motivation to do either one is hard. I try to drill this into every prospective client before we even get started because people are being inundated with all this fake shit all the time:

Just 10 minutes a day and you too will have 10 pack abs!

Take these pills and you'll be beach ready in no time!

No one wants to talk about how much time and sacrifice this takes because people don't really want to know. Ignorance is bliss. Well, wake up and enlighten yourself. Ask questions and educate yourself about your own body.

5.

D'Angelo Barksdale: "It don't matter that some fool say he different 'cause the things that make you different is what you really do, what you really go through...And 'cause he wasn't willing to get real with the story, that shit caught up to him."

Video (starts at 0:26)

Actions speak louder than words. You can talk about how you've changed your diet or the crazy workouts you're going to do...but what have you actually done?

6.

Stringer: "That's good. That's like a forty degree day. Ain't nobody got nuttin to say about a forty degree day. Fifty? Bring a smile to your face. Sixty? Shit, niggas are damn near barbecuing that mothafucka. Go down to twenty? Niggas get they bitch on. Get they blood complainin... but forty? Nobody give a FUCK about forty. Nobody remember forty, and ya'll niggas is giving me way too many forty degree days. What the fuck?!"

Video

Effort is everything. I cannot handle people who come to a workout and half ass it. You might as well just take your ass home cause nothing frustrates me more than someone wasting time.

7.

Levy: [to Stringer] "A guy says if you pay him, he can make it rain. You pay him. If and when it rains, he takes the credit. If and when it doesn't, he comes up with reasons for you to pay more."

There are predatory people out there that are only interested in your money. Those people include personal trainers. Be careful and ask around. Get references from your friends.

8.

Omar: "How you expect to run with the wolves come night, when you spend all day sparring wit' the puppies?"

Video

Can't expect to keep up with one aspect of fitness when you haven't been training for it at all. Which leads to:

9.

Marlo: "You want it to be one way, but it's the other way."

 

You want this to be easy. You want to be able to slack off on your prep and training. But that's not possible.

10.

Marlo: "Do it or don't...but I got someplace to be."

Video

Either you're going to put in the effort and work out...or you're not. Either way, I got shit to do.

Bonus 11!!!

Clay Davis: "Shiiiiiiiet"

 

When a client asks me if we're done yet.

Stay sexy, heroes.

February 22, 2015

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SuperKaner

POWER PLAY: SUPERKANER

"I thrive under pressure" - SuperKaner

Patrick B. Kane was burn Fulgur on the planet Müllet (pronounced mooh-let) to a high ranking Mülletian general named Batillus and his scientist wife Luculentus. However, due to *insert lots of sciency words* their world was destroyed, but not before Fulgur was saved and sent to Earth. It was on our planet that he was discovered in a hockey puck-esque spaceship with nothing more than his guardian stick named Bronte. He was found and raised by a New York police officer and his wife and thus Fulgur became known as Patrick Kane.

With his new family he became imbued with a strong moral compass as well as a killer instinct whenever he engaged in any sports. His adopted father, Kiki, quickly let him join traveling hockey teams as a way to offset his aggression...but also as an outlet to showcase his talents. At an early age he began to develop supernatural abilities and strives to use these abilities for the good of humanity upon his maturation - which, to be honest, took quite a bit of time.

Patrick has generally been considered "small", but his agility and marksmanship absurdly make up for this slight. He has also showcased an otherworldly ability to withstand punishment. In fact, it appears that he can absorb physical blows and turn the force into kinetic energy that he can attack using Bronte.

Powers & Abilities

  • Slap Shot attack can range in destructive ability. It has been noted that the higher the stakes, the stronger the Slap Shot is. There is worry among many SuperKaner theorists that it could eventually deal a force so great that it becomes a world destroyer.
  • Bronte can shorten and lengthen at will and seems to have a consciousness of its own. In Kane's hands it is nothing more than a feather; however, in the hands of others, it is completely immovable. Even Silverback (arguably the strongest Gym Hero) is unable to budge it more than 2 inches.
  • SuperKaner cannot fly, so it is really confusing why he wears a cape. However, he does possess super speed and an agility level almost equal to Krispy Krack.
  • It is suspected that a great deal of SuperKaner's powers reside within the power of his mullet, the hairstyle of his native planet. No one has seen him with a haircut since he was 6 months old.
  • Although he is highly resistant to most physical attacks, he can be very susceptible to telepathic attacks. However, as he has grown and matured he has become far more adept at handling these attacks.

Cupcake Queen Bio HERE.
Ice Scream Bio HERE.
Krispy Krack Bio HERE.
December 26, 2014

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The Greatest Television Show You've Never Watched

I generally dislike television. I seriously watch 1 of 5 things:

Sportscenter (mainly as background noise)

Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Colbert Report (obviously not much anymore)

Random documentaries

Elementary (I'm a sucker for Sherlock Holmes inspired programming)

However, the best thing that has ever graced a television screen is the series "The Wire".

Oh my god, it's so good!!!!

 

What's that, you never heard of "The Wire"? Don't worry, no one did because it was overshadowed by a very overrated show about the Italian Mafia that received 111 Emmy Nominations (ONE BLEEPING HUNDRED ELEVEN). Meanwhile, what is easily God's gift to media received 2.

Two. And Omar Little was not one of them.

He should have been nominated for this line alone.

 

I bring this up because after 3 years of marriage, I finally got Mrs. Gym Hero to start watching it. I really have no idea why she was so hesitant because as soon as she started watching it she finished season one in 4 days. This is a woman that works full time and is going to grad school so it probably would have been 2 days if she had free time. And what was I doing? Watching it all with her again because IT'S THE GREATEST SHOW OF ALL TIME!

The show is about the drug trade in the city of Baltimore, but it's about way more than that. The show IS Baltimore. Each season is geared to tackle different aspects of the city as its own separate entity but still addresses how they all blend together to form this cesspool of shit that is life in West Baltimore. I really cannot explain how amazing this show is and how angry I get every time I think of Bubbles not getting nominated for anything. I mean, the man played a heroin addict so well that Mark Wahlberg seriously walked up to him and congratulated him for getting clean because he thought that Bubbles WAS a heroin addict in real life!

Then again Marky Mark wasn't above making random racist assertions...

The point is that this show is amazing and did not get its due on a ridiculous scale. I have seen it in its entirety 3 times. There are certain scenes that I will watch ad nauseam. I used to have nightmares about meeting a dude like Marlo Stanfield. The quotes...sigh...

 

Just go watch it. Now. HBO is doing an entire marathon in HD for the next 5 days. Every season for 1 day then it'll be re-released on DVD. Or, if you have HBO already, you can just watch it On-Demand. Do yourself a favor. Go watch it now. You will thank me.

“Either do it or don’t, but I got some place to be”. – Marlo Stanfield.

 

Stay sexy, heroes.

July 21, 2014

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Krispy Krack

This post is a mini back-story of one of our upcoming Gym Villains. All artwork was done by Anthony Sixto. We sincerely hope you guys enjoy this series.

 



LEGION OF FOOD: KRISPY KRACK (THE LORD OF THE UNDERWORLD)

"Where's my preciousssss...Boston Cream?" - Krispy Krack

Demons and magic. Once nothing more than tales to scare little children, they have become the stuff of reality. If you don't believe in demon magic, how else does one explain the cronut? No one - or no thing - embodies this abomination more than Krispy Krack, the Lord of the Underworld.

When Rhed Velvette mistakenly summoned Croquembouche she also left the link between our worlds open for a second too long. That second was all Krispy Krack needed to...well, slip through the "cracks" (HAHAHAHA...*ahem* I'm sorry about that).

Very little is known about the history of Krispy Krack, but what is known is terrifying. There is not one single molecule of caring in this demon. He is interested in one thing and one thing only: the pure rush of sugar. Make no mistake, many have been laid waste by Krispy Krack during a sugar high. He has no redeemable qualities and even less mercy for humans.

Among all of the Legion, Krispy Krack is the most dangerous of all. Avoid at all costs.

Powers & Abilities

  • Krispy's agility is beyond anything that has ever been seen before, and his bone structure allows him great flexibility. It is almost as if he has no spine, much like the octopus his tentacles resemble. If he does have a spine it is exceeding flexible, enabling him to remain in a crouched position for a long time and perform contortionist-type feats without causing any damage to his spine.
  • Krispy's balance and bodily coordination are all enhanced to superhuman levels. He has the ability to cling to surfaces through microscopic suction cups located on the pads of his hands and feet as well as his tentacles. He also possesses superhuman dexterity, being able to manipulate items with either hands, both feet, and his tails.
  • His main ability is the ability to teleport himself and others at will. Krispy Krack can teleport large masses, including sizable groups of people. He can also use his powers in a destructive manner by teleporting only parts of objects (or people *shudder*). He can open portals that displace projectiles and even enemies that threaten him. His portals are typically donut shaped with a hole in the middle and can vary in size.
  • As the Lord of the Underworld, Krispy is well acquainted with the dark. He has the ability to disappear into shadows and his perpetually glowing eyes offer him perfect vision even in complete darkness.

Ron The Don Bio HERE.

Cupcake Queen Bio HERE.

Ice Scream Bio HERE.

July 20, 2014

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Rocky Rhoades (Ice Scream)

This post is a mini back-story of one of our upcoming Gym Villains. All artwork was done by Anthony Sixto. We sincerely hope you guys enjoy this series.

 

LEGION OF FOOD: ROCKY RHOADES (ICE SCREAM)


Rocky Rhoades was born in Skokie, Illinois. At eight years old both of his parents died in an automobile accident on their way back from the movies by a drunk driver. Since there was no immediate family nor anyone willing to take him in, Rocky was placed in the foster care system in Chicago. As an older black child he faced tremendous difficulties getting adopted and had less than a happy childhood. The fleeting moments of happiness usually came during trips to the local ice creamery where Rocky would lose himself in developing different combinations of flavors.

In high school, he found a love for boxing and became amazing at it due to his ability to have different styles of fighting for each opponent, a technique he performed as if he was "churning out a different flavor". He was so good that he even gained the moniker "Rough" (or "The Deadly Rs"). When Rocky was qualifying for the Golden Gloves, Don Asystole approached him with an offer: throw the fight and win some money or face an uncertain future. Rocky does throw the fight, thereby losing his chances for the Golden Gloves. However, it's discovered that the fix was in and he is barred from organized boxing. Without boxing, Rocky then turns to a life of crime.

His illegal activity increases in depth and scope, turning him into a violent man. Eventually he ends up in prison in Statesville where he meets Cherry Garcia, the drunk driver that killed his parents. Rocky does not tell Cherry who he is, instead using his nickname, Rough, and (surprisingly to himself) eventually forgives Cherry. He discovers Cherry to be a good man that made a very grave mistake and is haunted by it at all times. Rocky finds similarities in their situations and through this experience does much to ameliorate his life. After Cherry is released from prison, Rocky escapes.

Rocky escapes to Nevada but is soon discovered by the police. He steals an ice cream truck and is engaged in a comical "high speed" chase that culminates with them driving into a nuclear testing site. His truck crashes, spilling its contents as well as Rocky into nuclear waste. His body and the radioactive ice cream bond, which changes Rocky's molecular structure into ice cream. Impressed, he names himself Ice Scream due to his new powers.

Ice Scream returned to Chicago and joins the new Don's crew, becoming his strongest enforcer. However, he continues to wrestle with his status as a supervillain and his innate feelings of being a better person (most likely influenced with his meeting of Cherry).

Powers & Abilities

  • Ice Scream has the ability to transform his body. He can will his body to harden, compact, disperse or shape into anything, or a combination of those qualities
  • More often than not, this ability enables him to absorb most blows with little to no ill effect other than reforming himself
  • Ice Scream can mold his arms and hands into shapes such as a mace or a sledgehammer to battle Doctor Cardio and his other enemies. His mass, strength and shape shifting ability correspond to the number of ice and sugar particles that comprise him. The more he incorporates (nearby) sugar grains and ice chips into his body, the more those qualities are enhanced
  • In addition to his superb endurance, Ice Scream possesses superhuman strength on par with Meat Head.
  • Although he is invulnerable to most physical attacks, even projectiles because they pass through him, heat is a different story. At 150 degrees Fahrenheit even his human molecules begin to fall victim and melt

Ron The Don Bio HERE.

Captain Serious Bio HERE.

SuperKaner Bio HERE.
Cupcake Queen Bio HERE.

Krispy Krack Bio HERE.

June 29, 2014

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Rhed Velvette (The Cupcake Queen)

This post is a mini back story of one of our Gym Villains. All artwork was done by Anthony Sixto. We sincerely hope you guys enjoy this series.

 


LEGION OF FOOD: RHED VELVETTE, THE CUPCAKE QUEEN (RULER OF MUFFINTOP LAND)

"I may be made of sugar and spice, but do I look as if I'm nice?"
- Cupcake Queen

The Cupcake Queen, as she is now known, was once just a young baker named Rhed Velvette. Her baking prowess was known throughout the city of Chicago and many patrons flocked to her bakery for her decadent concoctions. However, success itself would prove to be too sweet for this baker.

Blinded with an unbridled lust to be the greatest baker of all time, Rhed began dabbling in highly discredited dark culinary arts. It started innocently enough (she would add 3 tsp of vanilla extract instead of 2 *gasp*), but soon little Rhed began to summon Frosting Daemons. Things weren't so innocent anymore.

One day she bit off more than she could chew and managed to summon Croquembouche, the most feared Frosting Daemon of all. Obviously unable to contain this daemon, Rhed struck a bargain: she would allow Croquembouche to possess her in exchange for Croquembouche's immoral baking knowledge. Croquembouche lustfully agreed and the two became one...thus removing the baker Rhed Velvette from this world and replacing her with what is now known as "The Cupcake Queen".

The Queen cares about one thing and one thing only: making things as sweet and delicious as possible, regardless of the health implications. She is instantly recognized by her mixed spiced cigarette that is prominently on her lips. In fact, it is said that if you can smell the faint whiff of vanilla, you're already dead.

Powers:
  • Super strength
  • Throws Cupcake Bombs that have a variety of reactions (simple explosion, frosting explosion capable of leaving an entire building covered in frosting, one that leaves a butter trap, etc)
  • The Queen's body produces sweet smells (much like pheromones) that make people susceptible to mind control around her, although strong-willed people are usually capable to resist her.

OPTIONS AVAILABLE HERE

Other Gym Villains

Ron The Don Bio HERE.
Captain Serious Bio HERE.
SuperKaner Bio HERE.

Ice Scream Bio HERE.

Krispy Krack Bio HERE.

May 16, 2014

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Ron "The Don" MacDonald

This post is a mini back-story of one of our Gym Villains. All artwork was done by Anthony Sixto. We sincerely hope you guys enjoy this series.

 

LEGION OF FOOD: RON "THE DON" MACDONALD (LEADER)

Ronaldo MacDonald, the man now simply known as Ron the Don, started out as a common street thug on the south side of Chicago. He was noticed by one Don Asystole, an accomplished crime boss in the Klown family, who admired MacDonald's sheer brutality and hired him as his primary enforcer. Ironically enough, Don Asystole soon died of a massive heart attack and MacDonald took control over his mob empire. Thus, Ron the Don was born.

While his wife, Wendy, knew about his criminal activities, they were careful to shield their only son, Barry King MacDonald, from the misdeeds of his father. Barry did eventually discover the truth of The Don's empire and faked his own death to escape his father's stronghold. He would later return to Chicago under a masked identity known as "BK" or "The King" in order to pose as a rival to The Don's power. As of this writing, BK has developed a large following, but nothing to rival the global dominance that is The Don's handiwork.

The Don is a criminal mastermind that is involved in extensive illegal activities such as using fake meat, paying his minions (employees) criminal wages, suing the living crap out of everyone that even thought of calling him Ronald McDonald, murder (mainly by heart attacks or other obesity related deaths), and so forth. Despite this, he has ruled much of the world since 1955 with little resistance and he has an army of lawyers determined to keep it that way. The Don has no superpowers, but he has a cunning business acumen and can make a artery clogging burger using only chicken by-products. His fortress, the White Castle, is virtually impenetrable and has caused many issues for heroes such as Gym Rat and Meathead.
OPTIONS AVAILABLE HERE

Captain Serious Bio HERE.
SuperKaner Bio HERE.
Cupcake Queen Bio HERE.
Ice Scream Bio HERE.
Krispy Krack Bio HERE.